Nik@nite: I wander through my days....pulled a million ways....

Is it ridiculous that I can't remember how I spend my days sometimes? Is time going by so quickly or is it so slow that I'm soaking in these moments? I honestly don't know. Sometimes I have a hard time remembering yesterday, let alone what happened this past week. But I do know that it's been GOOD, that I've been LOVING life, that I'm LEARNING and and soaking it all in and reveling in the simplicity of my daily existence here. Well, sometimes it's simple.

The early part of this week I spent here at the clinic doing "small stuff". I did some inventory of meds and medical equipment, sent out a billion emails, helped to prep for a kids' eye surgery in the capital, stopped by CCED, etc. On Wednesday I went with Kristin to Kilometer 3 to observe/participate in her home visits via the Child Nutrition Program there. I remembered some of the kids from the last time I was there and it was awesome to see them again and even better to see the progress that some of them are making. We admitted a sweet baby girl into the program and weighed a BUNCH of others that fortunately do not meet criteria for the program (meaning they are healthy and growing appropriately!).

I also briefly visited with some kids that I remember meeting in Pueblo Nuevo a few years ago. It's always tough to see when things don't work out like I think they should. Kids not going to school (lack of uniforms), nearly naked 4 year olds with hair crawling (lice? dirt? bugs? hmmmm?), sad eyes looking for some attention, lots of "hongos" (funguses), parents with mental illness. And yet- they shout my name when they see me and appear happy that I'm there to see them. And for now- this is what I have to offer- hugs, kind words, a little time, a promise to return.

I spent Thursday in El Cercado seeing patients with Dr. Perdomo in the morning and then doing Home visits with Angel in the afternoon. The mothers bring their kids (who are in the Child Nutrition Program) to be weighed and evaluated by the team here (Dr. Perdomo, Ruth, and Angel). If they continue to meet criteria, they are given milk and vitamins. One woman brought her neighbor and neighbor's baby in for an evaluation. When I first saw the baby I thought she was maybe 3-4 months old but after Dr. Perdomo spoke to them, they told us that the baby was 14 months old. She weighed 11 (ELEVEN!!!) pounds and had been 8 pounds at birth. When I see things like this, I realize again how much our program is needed here. Not just to provide milk though. This family needs much more than milk. Angel and I visited their home after lunch and he reviewed with her how to make the milk, how to feed the baby, when to return to the clinic, etc. etc. I see over and over and over how important education is here. And yet I'm so humbled by how sweet the mother was, how sweet ALL the families are that we visit. They pull out chairs for us and invite us to sit down and allow us to take pictures of their beautiful families and tragic circumstances. Dr. Perdomo told me that it takes approximately (or at least!) TEN times of teaching the EXACT same thing to the families for them to BEGIN to implement change. This is why our home visits are so important, to stress things like WASHING the baby bottles, USING CLEAN WATER to make the milk, putting shoes on the kids, bathing the children regularly, having the children wear clothing (you would be surprised how many kids run around butt naked all day long), suggesting easily accessible nutritious food to feed the kids, etc. etc. etc. I haven't been able to get that little baby girl out of my mind.

Another great thing about home visits is that Angel and I went flying up in the mountains via moto, which IS the best way to see the country here. AND the roads are sometimes not passable for the truck anyway, especially after rain. So I love it. I love whizzing around with the colorful houses on all sides of us, surrounded by mountains and awesome vistas, kiddies frantically waving, air and exhaust blowing in my face (gratefully because it's unbelievable HOT in the sun), stopping to ask directions to a new family's house in every little pueblo, giggling at Angel, generally feeling so humble to be a part of something that WORKS here, that is GOOD and HELPFUL and kinda simple.

And when we come back, I walk to Kelvin's house and we sit outside, up on the hill under a tree, and play dominos. And I'm still terrible but he's so patient with me. My frente (partner) Fabio is not QUITE so patient ("you keep killing me girl! You are supposed to kill THEM, not ME!" ayi yi yiiiiiii) but I think it's because he's like 80 and doesn't have quite the patience for a stupid american girl who wants to learn and apparently takes too long to decide which domino to play. Kelvin and his frente massacre us, as usual. But I love it here. High on the hill in Cercado under a tree with a cool breeze and some friends that I'm crazy about. And I don't understand the strategy they are trying to explain to me at all but I'm smiling and nodding my head anyway. And then I stop and chill with some other friends and talk some baseball and grin a whole lot and then head home to my fam here. Where we hold my sweet sobrinito and talk and snack and laugh and watch the novelas. And it's just perfect. Como siempre.

Back to San Juan Friday morning and then out to Vallejuelo to visit another of the boys I wanted to check on. And I feel really good about this one. He has a sweet mother who adores him and who piled my arms full of limes and a pumpkin when we left. And I'm humbled because I know they don't have much food to eat and she's SOOOO generous and kind and invited me back "anytime" and hugged and kissed us alot. And Gleidy is almost grown too, taller, more serious, talking like a grownup, no more kidding around. How quickly things change. It was beautiful to see him. I'm relieved.

When I got back, I got a phone call from Baby Nicole's mom "soy la mama de Nicolita (little Nicole)". And that made my day. I gotta go visit my baby soon. She wants me. And I want to squeeze her and kiss her and giggle at her hilarious siblings. I want to remember the day she was born..by far the greatest day I've had in this country...and remember how blessed I was to experience it, how lucky I am to get to be here, how incredibly MIRACULOUS it is to get to have these moments. Good and bad. Bad moments this morning working in the scary room (I'm always going to hate it- always!) and good moments this afternoon eating rabbit for lunch with some pals (yum!) and watching spanish you tube music videos. And now I will get ready to go running with Kari at al estadio, huffing and puffing around the track while folks stare at us and laugh. It's all good.

There was a song or a poem or something that I used to have from my college days and part of the words are stuck in my head today- wish I could remember what it is or where it came from..but here goes:

"and I, I crawl when I should fly, I wander through my days, pulled a million ways.....and all my time is yours as much as mine".

I'm feeling it today. Beautiful.